Where in the World is Carlo Rossi?

I'll tell you where Carlo is. He's at Cookie-roke! Although Carlo is wine in a box, he is delicious! How can I begin to describe this party? It begins at 2 and goes until 9, however with this group I suspect it will last longer. A friend, S., has been gracious enough to invite me and K. The idea is that the girl hosting the party, G., is continuing a family tradition. For years her parents would arrive at her dorm room after driving halfway across the country with a karaoke machine. Because karaoke with your rents and your friends is not enough for a good time, garbage plates and (literally) 1,000s of cookies are baked. By the way, I instantly adore her parents. Who doesn't like a brushed out mullet on a dad?

FYI, a garbage plate begins with a slightly burnt hot dog, preferably sliced down the middle. It continues its journey with a topping of "hot sauce" which is really a chili spice concoction - when I looked in all I saw was a vat of orange oil. Once the hot dog is properly doused in the hot sauce, one applies fried potatoes and a condiment of choice, like yellow mustard or ketchup. Since cookies are the focal point here, there are bowls of ice with milk cartons instead of champagne.

Have I been remiss in mentioning the air guitar, two mics, and people singing in the corner with so much emotion that I felt like a boring tool? I wasn't really able to get into it until The Boss was played. With my Jersey roots, this made me happy and ultimately, his songs are just better than Avril Lavine or whatever her name is. As I looked around the room, there were lovely, warm people. And yet, it dawned on my (again) why I might be single. Most of the guests were in their 20s, women, lesbians, and as K. said, we both had more make up on together than everyone in the room. I think it's great to be a lesbian, to be a straight person. Be who you are. Yes! But, could you be who you are and brush your hair a little? A dab of lip gloss? A touch of mascara? Is it cool to look like a sloth? Or as my mom would say: a shlump?

This can only mean I am now old.