Ho-mance?

Below is a friend's cousin's post on craigslist. He gets full credit for the text below as well as the term Homance. I just may love him!

Read on and enjoy. Women are not alone in our frustration!

LT Bromance / F wo B - m4w - 36 (Hollywood)

looking for a long-term bromance / friend without benefits after having given up on girls.

girls, seriously?! more on you later.

anyway, i'm looking for a good, solid wingman. we'll go to bars and share knowing glances as the girls go wild for the dog brothers / larger male monkey. we'll be on the sidelines, enjoying our own company. we won't be bitter, just realistic. like robert deniro at the end of the deer hunter: we've just decided not to shoot anymore...leave that to the Situation.

forget about how we got here. consider, instead, the future. we'll give up working out. shaving stuff. the purchase on credit of items of clothing for male plumage display. no more masking of our true, kind nature with pathetic look-at-me-i’m-a-cock stunts just to trick the girls into liking us.

we know nice guys don't necessarily finish last. but you and i, these two nice guys, won't even be in the race! our preference, bartleby, will be not to. ok, too precious. but whatever.

let the incarcerated murderers get the proposal letters from the ladies. let the dongs bang away and face paint in their debt-financed bmws and benzes.

bro...is the footprint on your back the match for the one on mine?

me: single white male, college educated, burned to a crisp by a past relationship.

you: any race, one sex, all else negotiable.

NO WOMEN. NO COUPLES. well, i guess stud lesbians can apply. i think i can relate...they seem pretty useless around here too. NO GAY MEN. this is bromance. i know you promote a sexual spectrum, and while i believe "the worm of my passion” has some kinks, i'm not into dudes. sexually. i'm just not. really.

NO WOMEN. really. one or two of you might discern in my post a plaintive tone or a passive-aggressive beta male attempt to attract a smart girl with my tight prose, proper use of commas, and ability to distinguish "it's" from "its" and "you’re" from "your." don't do that. the more darwinian of you girls may even conjecture that such a male, if he can conjugate verbs competently, probably could be a good provider. don't do that either. again, this is bromance. perhaps we can meet informally on one of your "girls' night outs." compare notes: homance, bromance. but that's all.

good luck.