Potentials

Dates Abound: Zeke & Flossie

“If there’s still lead in the pencil, you want someone to write to.”
K.’s grandfather, 89 yrs old, who dated the ladies through his 80s

Recently I was feted by a handful of friends at Tiga. And while the next morning it felt like a tiny hammer was lodged in my head, smacking over and over again (thank you cheap margaritas) we had a lovely night.

K.’s grandfather recently passed and I was touched by the quote she shared. It resonates the need to connect. In a vast sea of endless crap (what is life if not suffering, pain, disappointment, and loss, then death?) we cling to the notion of romance. That we will meet someone who will complete us, save us, our better half, our dark shadow, our forgotten traits. That this person will enhance, enrich, and profoundly change our lives. We may spawn with this person. We will grow and grow up with them. They will teach us things. Although I admit in the last few years I’ve whittled this list to someone who is funny and cute, has a pulse and a heartbeat.

But seriously, how often do we consider what we will bring to them? What we bring to the table? What we offer as human beings?

Aside from the petty stuff, like real estate and debt, which aren’t really petty since finances quite often have the power to damage and break relationships, what do we bring to this whole dating/relationship thing?

I found myself asking this question while on a date with, shall we say, with Zeke? Zeke and I exchanged fun, witty, flirty, sharp emails. But as we all know, this doesn’t often translate into “real time” chemistry. He appears well adjusted, he is employed, attractive, and smart. In fact, he is well employed, doing interesting work with much import and we ran into a colleague so he’s not bullshit. He is not a bit cute, but stand out in a crowd hot with penetrating steel blue eyes and a rugged chin. He is not skimming the Style Section of the New York Times and catching Kathie Lee and Hoda at the gym (Who would do that?) and considering himself well read. He is terribly bright, I mean terrifically bright, I mean scary-shocking, name people on the Senate fucking smart. Jerk!

Sidenote: When that big tsnumani tragedy hit, my mom called me and said softly, “Now I know you don’t read the newspaper, but you did hear about the tsunami, didn’t you?”

See, I wasn’t insulted, because she may have been right. I’m not a complete idiot. I just don’t always keep abreast of the news because I find it depressing: tragedy, rape, murder, pillage, death. I hope I did not make a complete fool of myself and I will hear from Zeke again. My approach in these situations is to feign listening skills. The less said the better.

We had a five hour date, does that not count? Of course at one point, during a discussion of when and when not to use the middle finger, I asked him why not and he said it was not polite. So, Zeke may be too attractive, too smart, too well employed, plus too polite.

But I’m like a going out of business sale, I’m leaving the state in three weeks – though he has yet to receive the memo. Enough long gazes across a candlelit table! Enough talk of politics! I found myself thinking, okay enough already: it’s clear, you’re intelligent, handsome, wonderful, I really like you, you’re all that and a bag of chips, awesome blossom, Woot woot, thumbs up, let’s just do it. Let’s get past these pleasantries. I’m in a drought.

But, I know my ladylike role and I will continue to wear dresses and hang back. Plus, I’ve got a date with Flossie this Friday night. It rhymes with a country he’s from (slang) and I recently bought this treat for my dog. Flossie and I have had one date and one run-in so far. He looks like a young Michael Caine and I like him. Immediately. He doesn’t make my leg tremble like Zeke, but I’m into it. He’s six years older, employed, also smart and cute and funny.

Where were these men six months ago?

Though we met on a dating site, we first met via running into each other at the dog park. Our dogs happen to both be white with rough fur, terriers, sweet and have similar names. An odd sensation to walk towards someone and feel like a mirror is coming at you. We went to Sapphire for our first date, again two drinks, again a hangover. It was a fun time, and I believe a movie is in our near future for tonight even.

More soon…stay tuned.

And thank you, K.’s grandfather, for lifting my spirits. I can’t help but think of an old teacher who would ask the class: does everyone have a writing implement?