Among emails that say "This So Cute!" (I won't be opening that to look at the animal, baby photos or close ups of genitals, today, sorry) And a scary Forward: "What to do in an Earthquake" (I know what to do, cry in a doorway while hug-squeezing the life from A), "Your Mobile Blessings" (nearly curious to open this but suspect it is utter crap) and "Your Coupon Ends Thursday" (Shit. My coupon ends Thursday, I better click on this!), I've recently received ones from friends titled, That Goddamn Fucking Prick, Shithead, That Asshole and Fuckface. Fuckface may indeed be my favorite. Need I explain? Another favorite is the shithead one, because the message inside is quick and to the point: I just read your blog and I am so mad. Want to get together Friday night?
Of course I do.
I have no worries that I will bounce back in no time. I would be lying if I said I did not think about said moron's inability to return a phone call or text but the image of him sprawled out on a hospital bed sans fingers and toes is soothing. What is most pressing is that I have three full days of work and have forgotten my contact lens case back at my parents house in NJ. I can picture it sitting on my old, white headboard in my pink room among the half dozen other cases. All I have to say is: What are my mobile blessings? And where are they? I'd love them right now and I'd love for them to be delivered with my contact lens case since I have no time to pick one up this week.
Luckily dates are being arranged on Thursday and Saturday evening, and there is a happy hour on Friday, all of which translates into fun distractions and opportunities to meet someone better suited for me. And of course, more blog material. To count my my mobile blessings I would begin with the fact that really, there are no scoundrels imbedded in my life, or my skin.
As N. wisely put it, "At least he showed the asshole card early on."
True dat.
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